A Final Thought: Crown Thy Good with Brotherhood

Last week, as I was driving through a popular Northeast Ohio retail area, a woman pulled out in front of me, forcing me to brake quickly to avoid hitting her. As she passed me, I saw her raise her hand in what I thought was going to be a kind wave of apology.

Instead, she raised her middle finger at me.

I was a little shocked. After all, it was she who had pulled out in front of me.

That experience got me thinking about kindness and how it seems to be going out of style. Our political leaders are no longer respectful to one another, turning instead to middle-school-style name-calling. Trolls on social media regularly taunt people, often anonymously, even encouraging self-harm.

It’s disappointing at best and frightening at worst. Still, I try to see the best in humanity, though it seems increasingly difficult.

For many years now, I have insisted there is no such thing as a “jerk.” No OBGYN has ever held up a newborn baby and said, “Look, everyone. It’s a jerk.”

It was challenging, but I have managed to forgive the driver who gave me the middle finger, for I am not in a position to judge what suffering she is going through, and I’m sure she has good qualities. After all, even the biggest “jerk” in the world will help you up if you fall down in front of them.

I once hired an industrial psychologist to help me with two members of my management team who weren’t getting along. He told me this: “When someone is exhibiting behavior that makes you angry, simply say to yourself, ‘That person isn’t doing anything I haven’t done or could do.’”

Could I give someone the middle finger? 

With the right provocation, sure I could.

Forgiveness doesn’t just make us better people. It also makes us better neighbors, friends and citizens. I hadn’t thought much about the phrase “crown thy good with brotherhood” from Katharine Lee Bates’ “America the Beautiful” until I read a recent essay about it. That line explains that the ultimate goal isn’t goodness; it’s the reward our goodness gives us. It’s what we are “crowned” with when we are good.

And that’s brotherhood.

The closing phrase “from sea to shining sea” extends this appeal for unity, respect and brotherhood across the entire United States, emphasizing that a nation’s true greatness lies in the connectedness of its people.

This kind of brotherhood isn’t just an ideal. Every so often we get to witness it. We’ve been seeing it for several weeks during the FIFA World Cup. Players and fans from 48 countries around the world have come to the U.S., Canada, and Mexico to play soccer and have fun.

I’ve been moved by how competitive the players are, yet how they still extend a hand to help an opposing player up. And how, at the end of a hard-fought match, they hug and congratulate each other.

You may have heard about the thousands of Scottish fans who descended on Boston for the World Cup and drank the city dry. These visiting supporters, affectionately known as the “Tartan Army,” caused many local establishments to run out of beer. 

They also brought with them the custom of placing orange traffic cones on the heads of statues and singing, “No Scotland, no party.” (Now my 7-year-old grandson, a big soccer fan, will spontaneously sing out, “Noooo Scotland, no paaaarty!”)

And how did Boston locals respond?

They loved it.

Afterward, the Boston Globe ran a full-page farewell ad thanking the Scottish fans for their World Cup visit. The Herald, a national Scottish newspaper, responded with its own full-page ad. It began with the greeting, “Dear Boston, thank you for welcoming us with open arms, open bars and open minds.”

My next-door neighbor is of Croatian descent, so he took his family to see Croatia play Panama in Toronto, then to Philadelphia to see the team play Ghana. Afterward, he told me, “The greatest thing about this World Cup trip was the sense of unity. I would walk down the street, hugging people who were fans of other teams. Even after Croatia beat Ghana, I hugged so many strangers wearing Ghana jerseys. There were no ill feelings anywhere. It was all just soccer and friendship.”

Hugs and handshakes.

No middle fingers.

Mitch@MimiVanderhaven.com